Sometimes I wonder

(Shhh.... noooo.... this post isn't late at allll)

Sometimes, as the title say, I wonder. I wonder if I'm on the right path, if what I'm choosing to do with my life is the right thing. Sometimes I wonder if my path even matters, after all I'm sitting on a pretty big rock that's getting swirled around in space, and there's really nothing I can do about that. Sometimes I wonder why I can't sleep.

So I stare at the ceiling in my bedroom, unable to turn off weird thoughts. In an alternate universe, I'm at Hogwarts. In another one, I'm travelling with the doctor. In another one, I found Narnia. I look at the ceiling and see nothing. Because I turned off the lights half an hour ago.

I turn to my side and my brain keeps on spitting out random thoughts. 'Remember that awkward thing you did seven years ago?'. I wonder why I did the awkward thing. I wonder why I remember. I wonder why I think it matters, because of the swirling rock in space thing.

I wonder what people think about me, and then I wonder why I care.

I wonder if I'm wasting my life, and then I realise that we all do, in some way or other.

I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. And then I turn to the left.

Then I stare at the wall. It's a white wall. It's a nice white. I like white walls, my brain tells me. I tell it that I know, because it's my brain and doesn't need to tell me what I think. I tell it that I think I know what I know and think. It tells me it needs sleep, and I tell it that so do I. And then I turn to the right.

I feel like I'm aware of movement. I feel like I can sense the world turning. But that's stupid. I'd panic if I did, because that big old rock we're probably all living on is moving at quite an enourmous speed.

And then I wonder, again, if things really matter because of that enourmous speed our big old rock is plumeting around the sun.

I'm trying to sleep, with open eyes and an even more open mind. A really talkative one, too. I get up, and wonder how I can stop wondering. I get one of my cats, and if the cat feels like it, it lies down on my bed and starts purring.

A purring cat to turn off my thoughts for the night. I hug that adorable ball of fur tight, and close my eyes. I stop wondering, if things really matter. I smile, as my brain tells me: 'I don't think all things matter. But I think it doesn't matter if they don't.' And I fall asleep.



(weird blogpost is weird.)