Giving up

"Giving up is never an option"
Isn't that what people tend to say when you tell them you think about giving up? Maybe you're thinking about giving up painting that one painting where you can't get the hands quite right. Maybe you gave up on NaNo this year, like I did. Maybe you want to give up on a dream you always wanted to achieve. So, because that bothers you, you decide to tell someone. They tell you it's fine. They tell you to try your best. They tell you that giving up is never an option.

Well, they're wrong. Because that's the thing about giving up, you see? Giving up is an option. And it's not even a bad one, or at least it doesn't look like it. No, giving up is the shimmering choice, the glowing one, the one that sparkles and screams 'Pick me! Pick me!'. Giving up is always there, haunting everything you're trying to create. Giving up is the one option everybody considers. And, the worst thing is, giving up is easy. You give up, and the thing that's been bothering you will poof for the moment, it'll disappear. You give up, and suddenly you feel a weight lifted from your shoulders, you feel free. You give up, and you suddenly have time to watch that TV show you had no time for beforehand. You give up, because it's an option.

It's not like I'm telling you to give up everything you ever wanted in life. I'm just telling you that giving up is an option you'll consider. And I'm also telling you that giving up is a choice you'll regret. Because giving up means you didn't really try. You gave up before you got to where you wanted to be, and now you'll never know if you could've done it.
I gave up on NaNo in the second week. I was behind, my story didn't write itself and I had so much to do. I gave up. I'm at 16 something thousand words, and I'll never know if I could've done it had I not given up.

So, if there's something you are thinking about giving up, here's my advice:
Think about it. Think it through. Consider giving up as a valid and okay to make choice. And then decide. Decide if you really want to stay in the dark for the rest of your life. You will never know what you could have accomplished, if you hadn't given up. You'll never know where you would be right now, if your choice had been different.

Paint that painting. Make those hands the best dang hands you ever painted. Keep writing on that novel with plotholes bigger than Steven Moffat's Doctor Who. Chase that dream, if only to see if you can catch it. Don't give up. Not because it's not an option, but because it is. And because you're strong enough to decide against it.

(Even though it may have seemed like it, I did not give up on this blog. I thought about it, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon. :) )

Why I write

I don't know if you write. It would be weird if I knew. But: I do write. And I love it. People's reaction to me saying that are usually one of the following, so I have by now gotten used to answering.

WHAT? But isn't that boring?
No, my stories are fairly interesting, at least in my opinion. If you write something you think is boring, or if you think writing is boring, you are writing the wrong thing.

What do you write? You mean like essays for school?
No, I write short-stories, poems and many other things, even longer stories. I always loved writing essays in school though. Just not in french. I sucked at those.

Nice! Can I read something?
Hahaha... *slinks away*
I am for some reason scared of sharing my writing. I know it's quite decent, but I want it to be more than that. And as long as I know it isn't, I don't want to show it to people.

Ah. I wanna watch TV. Go away.

Whatcha watching? *sits down and doesn't move for a few hours*

So yes. I write. But I am an incredibly lazy person, so I need a kick in the butt to actually get to it. NaNoWriMo offers me said kick. NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, and unites writers from all over the world in the crazy mission to write 50'000 words in November. Writers from all over the world decide to get that story out of their heads and down on paper or screen.

Writing is letting the voices in your head out.

Writing is the battle against the blinking black bar.

Writing is not only fighting a blank page, but filling an empty world.

Writing is telling your story. And nobody but you can do that.

NaNoWriMo's motto is "the world needs you novel". Of course, to some extent it's absurd. Why would the world need my novel? It did kinda alright without it, and I don't think I can really change that much with... words. And then I start to think about how much books changed me, how much stories influence my decisions and my thoughts.

I don't want to compare myself to Tyrion Lannister, because I am far less intelligent and sharp-witted than he is. But he has a point when he says the following:

My brother has his sword, King Robert has his warhammer and I have my mind... and a mind needs books as a sword need a whetstone if it is to keep its edge. That's why I read so much, Jon Snow.

I have a shirt to remind me of that quote, and also of the greatness that is A Game of Thrones. It says "my mind is my weapon" on it. Stories changed my life, and I'm quite sure that the Chronicles of Narnia even saved it, at a pretty dark point. Stories are not only an escape from reality, but a way to understand it.

So if there is a story inside of you, if there is a story you want to tell, I am asking you to write it. Because, even if the world doesn't need it, maybe there is someone who does. Maybe your story changes someone, like stories shaped me. Give it a try. You can't lose anything, but maybe your sanity...

Introduction

I think it's fun to get to know people. To know who they are, what they do and what they want to be. It's fun to talk about their passions, their reasons and their choices. And I usually also like talking about mine. My problem is, that I'm terrified of boring them. I'm not that interesting a person.

I have my stories, I have my passions, my things that, according to society, make me "different" and "special". But when it comes down to it, I'm just as different and special as everyone else is. And there's not much interest in that. I am usually scared about talking about myself, not mainly because of trust issues, but because I don't want people to think I am boring withing the first 15 minutes of them meeting me. They have plenty of time to figure that out once they actually know me.

This, however, is a blog about me. Well, about my ideas and stories and stuff, but, in the end, about me. And I am who I am, no matter how boring it is. So, here are a few facts about me.

1. I am almost 20. Tomorrow is my birthday.
2. I don't think of myself as an adult, despite being almost 20.
3. I am lazy, but dedicated. If I want something, I will do it. I will give it everything it needs to be done. And, here's where the lazy jumps in, nothing more.
4. I love netflix. It's new in Switzerland, and it's great.
5. Oh yeah, I'm Swiss.
6. When I told my mom I want to study law, she said: "WHY? Isn't it extremely boring?" It took a month or two, but she supports me now.
7. I play the trumpet.
8. I love football. (European one)
9. I love writing. I love telling stories that pop up in my brain.
10. I am terrified of sharing my writing.
11. I am already running out of things to say about myself.
12. Ah yes! I am a fangirl. Of many things. Narnia was my first fandom (the books, please, not the movies...), and then Lord of the Rings pulled me in completely. Now there's also Star Wars, Doctor Who, Sherlock, Marvel, DC... And many more!
13. I am a shut in, an introvert and can be pretty annoying.
14. I will now proceed to watch Skyfall on Netflix.
15. I am scared this list bored you.

So, now you know a few things about me. 15 things, that are kinda useless, but there you go.

This is who I am.

Just another idiot with a wifi connection.

Decisions

Making a blog is fun, right? You get to pick a name, a URL, a direction you want your blog to go in and so many more things. So many great choices. So many decisions. That's fun, right?

Well, it would be, if I weren't so completely bad at making decisions. I spent about 45 minutes to decide for my title and my URL, and immediately after clicking okay, I regretted it. This will be the first thing people notice about my blog, it will be the thing they click on. And that's a big deal.

Being bad at decisions is torture for a writer. Try deciding for a genre, a name for a character, a location, when all you can think of are all the things you'll miss out on by not choosing something else.

What I'm trying to say is: Decisions suck. They always do, and if they don't, they are not a real decision. If they don't, then you've already decided. If they don't, you've made your choice.

Because I am pretty scared of making decisions, I try not to call them decisions. Decisions limit your possibilities and quite often put you in a box. I try to call them choices. As stupid as it sounds, choices are easier to make than decisions. Of course, if it comes down to it, they're synonymous, but that's no fun. Choices give you opportunities. Choices can open up whole new fields of new choices you've never thought of making. Choices, for me, are easier to make, than decisions. And then it doesn't really matter if it's whether or not to kill of a character, to watch that new TV-Show, to read that book; what to study or what to name your blog.